Lord this I pray..

Lord I know we’ve not been the biggest of friends since I’m not the most religious person, but I won’t be a true scientist if I do not admit that I could be wrong. It’s unscientific to not doubt. So in case I’m wrong I hope this somehow reaches you. I know I have no rights having denied your existence, but it is what it is, so here’s my prayer..

I pray you give me thoughtful friends and not mindless idiots. I pray they also be brave men. Men that can wash my dead body and watch it burn to ashes. Do not give me whiners, who just want bigger cars or houses with more rooms. Do not give me righteous friends. No. I want them goofy, imperfect but deeply thoughtful. Men that can debate game theory, discuss consciousness, edit genes and talk about quantum mechanics. Stoic men. Men not overly occupied with judging others, going about looking for flaws in everything. Probably discussing flaws in this article right now. Give me astute men, men with nerves, men not afraid to be controversial, men who do not wear their balls as ornaments between their legs, Lord I pray you give me real men.

I also pray you put me away from emotional prison, remind me of my worthlessness, keep me humble and grateful. Do not have me marry my opinions, give me the acumen to admit my limits. Having lived, having experienced the life of others, that’s more than I could ask for. Just to experience life is a blessing, everything else is bonus, always remind me that. I pray you put me far away from cowardice, for what is a man with no bravery? I pray that my life becomes a blessing to someone, I pray I be a joy to be around. Lord I do not ask for perfection, just like any man, I should have problems and challenges, I should have people who like me and those who hate me. Do not give me a perfect life, do not have everyone love me, that’s a punishment too heavy for me. Give me a few sins with a sprinkle of shame and worry. Like any man, have some of my friends and relatives hate me, albeit a few openly but most secretly, that’s ok, because like any man, I deserve that.

And when my time comes to go as it must, I pray I go with courage. I go having danced to as many songs as possible, laughed at my problems all I could, embraced my fate with no complaints, regardless of the nature of that fate. I do not want to feel important or better than any man even though I know I am (Yes, I fucking said it!), Lord give me humility 🙏🏿. I pray I die with no sperm in my scrotum and my dinner table to never be empty. I pray to go exhausted having left everything on the field. Please do not turn me into a materialistic robot, do not have me go around wishing for more and more money, that’s another punishment too harsh for me, show me mercy. I pray for contentment, I pray for wisdom, I pray for acceptance.

When my judgment time comes, I pray you unite me with my forefathers, whether in hell or heaven. I will endeavour to be a good person on earth, but not so you can admit me to heaven but so I can have the choice of where to go. For I want to join Ker Ramogi who led my tribe to Kenya, I’d like to join my great grandfather who had his hands chopped off for not meeting a white man’s cotton target, my great grandmothers who were raped by the colonialists and missionaries. If they are in hell, then Lord I beg of you, please take me to hell. These are my people, my true people, I know I will be happier with them. I pray to be good on earth so I can earn the right to choose. Plus I hate gold and what it represents, and I heard heaven is full of them, I hope I’m wrong.

Lastly, if I’m indeed wrong, Lord I beg you show mercy to my kids. Do not punish them for my transgressions. I do not ask for blessings, again, I know I have no rights, I just ask for a fair chance in life. Should that mean that I burn 7 times fold, so be it. But Lord please, spare my children. If you feel generous, have them lead a stoic life. I do not ask for fancy suits, just the ability to control their emotions and the wisdom to know when to wield them. I do not pray for an easy life, no, I also do not wish you give them fame.. I just wish for the ability to pray loudly with no shame. I won’t ask for more, I do not deserve more. All these I pray in your name, AMEN!

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